This is the first post of many, and I’m trying to find my voice, my method, my strategy. This is a test of myself, and I apologize for the unorganized thought process that is about to be unleashed… I’m simply trying to make sense of all this congestion in my head.
I’ve got this desire to do something meaningful, to write something meaningful… To write something that’s going to evoke an emotional response, to spark some ignition in someone’s head… I want to make you laugh, I want to make you cry. I want you to get mad at me, I want you to argue with me, share with me. I want you to want to be my best friend. I want you to send me hate mail, and I want you to tell me you love me… I want you to trust me, I want you to be honest with me, I want you to listen to me, interact with me, SPEAK UP.
I want to have the ability to pick an emotion and to manipulate you into feeling it. I want to be able to actually PUT a feeling into your head, into your heart. I want to be responsible for making you FEEL something. I want you to SAY something.
I am such an emotional clusterfuck, for a lack of a better term. My emotions run high and I am constantly FEELING something. I have so many opinions, strong ones. So much to say, and I want to be able to spew it all out and to share it with anyone who will listen to me or read what I have to write. This page will probably always rate on the PG-13/R end of the scale, I’ve not been known for filtering myself. Both of my parents were sailors and one of them knew how to drive a mack truck, so it’s safe to say that I’ve got a serious mouth on my face and I’m not wary of using it. I’m smart and I’m a smart-ass. I like to argue when I’m right, and avoid situations where I could possibly end up being wrong.
It’s hard to tell you about myself and what you can expect of me because I’m such a huge mess of so many different things and I’m afraid of coming off in the wrong light or giving a wrong impression… I just read everything I’ve written and while it’s all true, it annoys me at the same time. I feel like I should be snapping my fingers and shaking my neck and I’m just not THAT girl. I’m sweet too. I’m a sister, daughter, grand-daughter, god-daughter, niece, aunt, girlfriend, best friend… and I take all of these roles very seriously. I’m empathetic and sympathetic almost to a fault. I hurt deeply and I love even deeper. I’ve experienced a lot of happiness, love, amusement, pride, heartbreak, sadness, pain, anger and defeat in my short 24 years, and these experiences allow me to look at the world and at people from a myriad of vantage points and form all these opinions and thoughts that just seem to float around in my brain and overflow and…
I have a lot to say, and this should be an interesting ride.