SkyMall. Ya kidding me?

Okay so on my way from Norfolk to Dallas I was checking out the latest issue of SkyMall, and I’ve got some things to say. I mean, they’ve got some really fancy items, but a lot of the featured items are a little ridiculous.

Okay, so. I understand the body pillow thing. Good to have when your regular snuggle-buddy is not around… But if that woman’s snuggle-buddy is not around.. Why is she wearing a red satin nightie, and why is she sleeping with a rose? No one does that.

You’re telling me… That the little remote thing is supposed to keep me safe… Against that mangy big toothed dog? Come on.

And this one just looks like a flipping death trap, are you kidding me? PLASTIC… On stairs. Death.

I TRIED to rotate this picture, obviously didn’t work out. Anywho, so this woman totally looks comfy-cozy, no doubt. But all that equipment to sit on a bed… Why not just sit in a recliner??

Again with the rotating, sorry. But this one is just plain ridiculous and I would totally be excited if someone gave it to me. Wouldn’t BUY it, but would totes enjoy it. So I guess this one doesn’t count!

This, is fucking disgusting. The caption on the right says ‘pop-up sprinklers clean and rinse.’ I can only assume that means that the bottom is grated in some way, and that all that piss goes into some type of tray underneath all that astro-turf. CAN YOU IMAGINE CLEANING THAT THING OUT? OMG. Give that thing a week and it’s going to smell like a freaking bucket of piss. OH WAIT. And ‘Great for apartments or condos’? How about, you TAKE YOUR DOG OUTSIDE? Please don’t get a dog if you’re going to have it piss inside. Because that’s fucking foul.

This woman’s name is Christine Aquilera, and she sells what’s basically V8 in a test tube shot. She has GOT to hate her life.

Sooooo. Sleeping on a plane is a pain in the ass, I’ll totally admit to that one. But can you imagine being the douchebag that brings THIS thing on the plane? I am NOT buying that that thing fits in the overhead compartment, so how am I even supposed to get it ON the plane?

This one, I just… I can’t…. I don’t know… Sigh.

Divert yourself away from the fact that my nail needed to be filled SUPER badly, (don’t worry, got it fixed) but if you buy me ANY jewelry from SKYMALL…. We have a problem.

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE LAWN DECOR???? For WHO? The ADDAMS Family???

Wow, it’s so crazy that these people are making the EXACT same faces, and posing in the EXACT same way in both their before and after pictures. What are the odds?

This is the new ski mask, isn’t it? Like is this not a robber or what.

Annnnnnnnd I would totally own this. No jokes here. Print pictures right from my iPhone? Yes please.

So anyways, SkyMall sells some crazy jank y’all.

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