Be your OWN motivation.

Losing weight is probably the best thing I have ever done for myself. There is nothing more fun than the constant ‘You’ve lost so much weight!’ ‘You look great,’ ‘Wow you’re working so hard!’ There’s nothing better than figuring out you can wear a pair of pants a size smaller than you could 2 weeks ago. They are small victories, but if you but your mind to it, they can be constant, and they can be SO REWARDING.

I’d recently gotten rid of all of my size 18 pants, and all but one pair of size 16 work pants that, up until yesterday, had been working out ‘okay.’ Got home last night and was practically able to pull them off without unbuttoning or unzipping, and decided it was time for them to go to. I may be losing weight relatively rapidly, but there is no reason for me to look like a slob. I’d recently bought a pair of size 14 skinny jeans that fit great (Target), and a size 14 pair of work pants from a thrift store. (Girl can’t afford a new wardrobe every new size!) But that’s it as far as pants that fit me now! ONE pair of work pants, and a pair of jeans. And they’re purple jeans, so it’s not like I can wear them EVERY day haha. So, I was talking to my mom about how I was going to go thrift store shopping this weekend for some new clothes, and she offerred to let me try on some of HER pants, just so I might have something to wear until I need to go buy new clothes again. Long story short, I’m wearing a pair of size 12 pants right now, and it’s the most exciting thing that has happened to me in quite a while. There’s a certain RUSH that comes when you’re able to comfortably and confidantly wear a size that you haven’t worn since high school. It’s so incredible.

Losing weight is also FUCKING HARD. I’m SO lucky that I’ve finally had the revelation and that bettering myself in this way is now my number one priority but if you’re not in that ZONE, you will never succeed. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. You have to want it more than anything else there is, because it is a full time job, and you have to work over-time. I was really sick with strep throat last week, and didn’t get to go to the gym Tuesday through Sunday. I went back this past Monday, and it was great. I then made dinner plans with an old friend for Tuesday evening, and in turn decided that I would just go to the gym on Tuesday morning instead! I woke up way too late, and had to skip. So there’s ANOTHER day of not going to the gym. Yesterday, Wednesday, there was a meeting I needed to go to after work, so I decided to try again with the gym in the morning. I got home from dinner with my friend at 11:30 Tuesday night, and had to have a talk with myself. It was late and I was going to need to wake up at 5:30 the next morning in order to go to the gym for the amount of time that I wanted to be there, get showered and get to work. I knew it was going to be rough, but I had already taken so much time off, I decided missing another day was not an option. I set my alarm to go off at 5:30 and I set the label to say “GO TO THE GYM FATASS.” I then got dressed. In my sports bra, tank top, work out pants, and socks, and got into bed. I thought, maybe when the alarm goes off at 5:30, if all I have to do is put my shoes on, I’ll actually go. And what do you know, I did. I don’t like being UP that early, but the gym was great. There weren’t too many people, it wasn’t too loud, it was perfect. I worked out for 2 hours, showered up, went to work. When I got home later in the evening, I did some laundry, got my bags ready, and decided I’d do the same thing today. My alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, and I came SO close to ignoring it and going back to sleep. I was thinking, I could sleep for another TWO AND A HALF HOURS, and just skip the gym. And with plans in the evening again, I knew it would mean missing another whole day of working out. Then I thought about how good I felt after my workout yesterday morning, and how much I would regret it if I DIDN’T go… And I got up and went.

I’ve talked about how there’s no ‘secret’ to weight loss… But I think if there’s something I could point out that maybe anyone who’s thinking about losing weight might not think about initially… It’s that you have to be hard on yourself. You know deep down in your heart and in your mind exactly what it is you need to do to reach your goals, and you have to talk yourself out of sabotaging it all. I almost skipped the gym like TWICE this week, and I literally had to force myself not to. ‘NO. What good will 2.5 more hours of sleep do? You’ll STILL be tired then. GET UP and be PRODUCTIVE. This weight will NOT come off if you do NOT put the work into it.’ LITERALLY you guys, conversations WITH MYSELF. You can look at all the inspirational quotes online that you want, all the pictures of bikini babes and before and after pictures of those before you… You can drown yourself in ‘Fitspiration,’ but when it comes down to it, you have to MAKE THE DECISION TO DO WORK all by yourself. You have to be willing to say YES to the gym, NO to the ice cream, and not hate yourself for either of them. You have to forgive  yourself for your slip-ups, and move the fuck on. Dwelling on what you’ve done wrong does not take it back- all you can do is remember how it made you feel, remember how SUCCEEDING makes you feel, and MAKE THE SWITCH.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Did you know that??! You do NOT have to settle for what you have now, you can feel better about yourself than you’ve ever felt in your life, you just have to put the work into it. It’s so worth it.


One thought on “Be your OWN motivation.

  1. parisiennelauren says:

    THIS POST. It’s like you read my mind. I just found you through Instagram today and was floored that you started with the exact same body I have now. I’m 5’10” and right around 210, after having gained 40lbs in the last 6 months. I gained the weight partially because of a medication I had to take for four of those months and partially because once the weight started piling on so quickly I just got overwhelmed and gave up trying to stop it. I also can’t fit into any of my clothes, which is making my confidence even worse and forced me to buy cheap clothes in sizes I’ve never had to consider just so I have something to wear to work. Recently I’ve been spending way too much time on Instagram pages of girls who are doing extreme diets and getting extreme results and it just made me feel even worse. I am overwhelmed by losing the 40lbs I gained since last fall because I’ve never had to lose that amount of weight. This post hit the nail on the head. I can choose to feel overwhelmed and look at pictures on Instagram feeling jealous, or I can choose to set the alarm, remove the barriers, and just start. Seriously, thank you so much. I’ll be returning to my gym after a long hiatus first thing in the morning and I’m sure as hell sleeping in my workout clothes tonight.

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