Holy shit you guys. Just, HOLY. SHIT. I went looking through my old MySpace and my old Photobucket accounts looking for some picture of me when I was a fattie-boombaladdie. Oddly enough, I didn’t have as much luck as I was thinking I was going to. That’s because, as it turns out, I HAVEN’T ALWAYS BEEN FAT. Who freaking knew??? I most certainly did not. I mean, I was always the biggest of my friends, but I was never humongous.
I mean. Here I am at my senior prom, June 2006.
HELLOOOOOO!!!!! I look AWESOME here. Straight up AWESOME. And this was only 6 years ago!
Here I am February of 2007 (on the left). Again, I was 5’9″, same height as my best friend (pictured, on right) and I don’t look like a cow next to her. I always FELT like one, but I probably didn’t weigh as much more than her as I thought I did.
Here’s a year later, January 2008, getting my first tattoo. Again, not small by any means, BUT NOT A WHALE. I wish I had realized this then! I remember laying on that table and trying to hold my stomach in for the full three hours that tattoo took, and it wasn’t even all that bad. What a CRAZY person!
This is the fall of 2008. You can see from the fact that I’m bending over and the same height as my friend Callah how much taller than her I am, but I’m not spilling out all over my clothes like, again, I thought I was.
Any more recent pictures than that are on my Facebook, which I don’t log in to anymore, or on my home computer… Which is, well… At home haha. I’m going to have to start rifling through it, and figuring out when it was that I really got huge, because apparently it was in the last three years.
WHAT HAPPENED? It must have happened in Louisiana. I don’t know how I became so content with being so huge. It’s horrifying to see that picture right there. I remember when my aunt posted that picture on Facebook from our Family reunion in August 2011, I was horrified. I don’t know how my then-boyfriend could stand to stay with me. He always told me I was beautiful and that he loved me just the way I was, but… HOW could he have possibly? I very obviously did not love myself, as I was content to just sit around in my own obesity, being disgusting.
This is me today. Literally, I took this right during my workout this morning.
Today is 40 lbs lost you guys. On February 1st, 2012, I weighed 218 lbs. June 10th, I weighed 210. And today, September 27th, 2012, I weigh 178 lbs. I’m not done yet, there’s more fat to be lost, there’s muscle to be built… But can you even believe it? 40 lbs. They say it’s a long journey, but I don’t think it is in the way everyone thinks it is. LOSING the weight is not even the hardest part. For ME, the hardest part was realizing there was a problem, and deciding once and for all that something had to change. In the last 3.5 months, I’ve lost 32 lbs, which is huge progress in a short amount of time. Eating well and working out every day is the easy part. Knowing what it takes to get what I want and stopping at nothing to get it is easy.
You’d think that losing weight is an uphill battle, with reaching your goal being the top. But I think it’s the other way around. GETTING fat was me going uphill. FAILED attempts at losing weight was me going uphill. Cheating, drinking all the time, eating what I wanted when I wanted it, and sitting on my ASS was me going uphill. Then one day, I got to the top of that fucking hill, and I said, ‘Not ONE more day. I am DONE fighting. NO more fighting, time to start winning.” I started eating better. I stopped drinking 4 and 5 nights a week. I got up off my fat ass and spent 2.5-3 hours in the gym every day. The weight started MELTING off. Once I realized that all these little things put together was the answer, and that I could manipulate my body into working and looking the way I wanted it to, it’s easy.
Why WOULDN’T I do everything in my power to look and feel the best I possibly can? How could I possibly sit around and ACCEPT obesity for one more second? Why settle for being the funny fat girl with a pretty face when I can be the funny FIT girl with a pretty face? I don’t want a man to stick around because he’s too insecure to think he can do better than the funny fat girl, I want a guy to stick around because he feels like he’s won the jackpot- because he’s got a girl who gives a damn about herself and about her health AS WELL as has a personality and a pretty face. I want THAT guy.
Once you know you want it, you’ll get to a place where you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. When you’re in that zone, and ONLY when you’re in that zone, it’ll feel like a frigging piece of cake.
Just don’t eat it.