In the past two weeks, I turned 25, put down our family dog that we’d had since I was ten years old, went to visit family in Buffalo, NY, and went on a business trip to Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland. Eight days ago, Thursday morning, I weighed 174 lbs. I haven’t weighed myself since then, and I don’t plan on weighing until November first.
I went to the gym in Buffalo last Saturday, and had a great workout with my dad. Did the 30 minute full-body circuit, a serious arms/chest/back session, and did 45 minutes on the elliptical. Sunday evening we did about an hour of physical work ‘un-stocking’ grocery shelves in the commissary on base, and Monday and Tuesday we put full days in resetting the commissary. This means when we walked into the commissary (giant military grocery store) on Monday morning, there were aisles in the store, and nothing else. No shelves, no product. When we left Tuesday afternoon, it looked like a grocery store again. Unless you’ve reset a commissary, you have no idea the level of physicality this required, and the level of a workout we got those two days. It’s an unreal amount of work for such a small amount of time. I have not worked out since then, have not been to the gym. It’s taken a few days to get back to normal, I was a special kind of exhausted when I got back, and plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning (and every day after that for the rest of my life haha).
Anyways, I haven’t weighed myself in over a week so I don’t know where I stand, but I do know that I still fit comfortably in my size 10 jeans, and that my 12s and 14s are still too large on me. I don’t feel like a ‘busted can of biscuits’ like I often say I do, so I think I’m doing okay- this has to be attributed to the fact that I haven’t eaten terribly. Don’t get me wrong, I celebrated for my birthday, but who doesn’t. I ate the foods I love at my grandmother’s house in Buffalo, but I didn’t OVER-eat. I made good choices when on business, and I’ve been good since I’ve gotten home.
I’m relaxing again this evening, going to see the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, at Chrysler Hall with my parents and my sister this evening. We have balcony seats, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to interact with her at all, but I would really love to hear from my nephew’s father. He committed suicide 5 years ago, when my nephew was only 2 months old, and I like to say that he’s got some explaining to do. -Side note, sorry about that.
So tonight is relaxing with the family, but tomorrow is back on the grind. In order to be on track with my goal, I need to see 169 on the scale when I wake up on November 1st. We all go on and on about how the scale doesn’t matter, and to go by how you feel, but I really feel like that’s more of a ‘once you’re at a weight you’re comfortable with’ kind of thing. Once I get to where I want to be, I will be more than happy to throw the scale away, but when you’re as big as I was, the numbers DO matter. SO. Until I see the number I want to see, I’m keeping the scale! 🙂
I lost eight lbs from February to June of this year. In the middle of June I decided this was it, I was doing this for real I was going to kick it into high gear, and I deactivated my Facebook on July 1st. I decided that I was setting a deadline for myself, and that deadline was January 1st of 2013. 2012 would be the last year I was ever ashamed of myself and the way I looked, the last year I avoided going to the beach, the last year I was the ‘fat girl with the pretty face.’ On January 1st, 2013, I would log into my Facebook for the first time in 6 months and post a before and after picture that would shock everyone.
On October 26th, 2012, somewhere in the lower 170’s, (I sure as hell hope!!) I am well on my way. Since I kicked this into high gear in June, I’ve lost close to 40 lbs, which means I’ve lost close to 50 altogether. I’ve dropped four pants sizes, gone from XL shirts and dresses to MEDIUMS, and I feel fucking phenomenal. My body is not where I want it to be, but I am so goddamned proud of myself. I don’t hate myself when I look in the mirror. Instead of crying over the way I look, I can cry over how happy I am to not look that way anymore. Now instead of seeing my flaws and feeling ashamed, I can see my flaws and say, ‘You’re SO going the fuck away, soon, and forever.’ It’s so cool.
January 1st is 66 days away. I have 66 days to get off this last chunk of weight, and right now I’m right on track. It’s officially the Holiday Season, and I’m going to have to work through the colder weather, colder mornings, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and one very seriously traditional Polish Christmas at my grandmother’s house in Buffalo- but it’s going to happen.
As if I didn’t need anymore motivation than the goals and deadlines I’ve made for myself, I’m auditioning for my local community theater’s showing of my favorite broadway show ever, Rent. Auditions are May 20th, and I bet you’ve never seen a fat Maureen, or a fat MiMi, so, I have that to work for. And then this morning I was presented with a vacation proposition for the middle of April, to Key West…. And I think I have to make that happen. That’s 5.5 months away, and I laugh at the thought of how awesome I could look and feel by then. I know what I’ve been able to accomplish in the past 4 months, I could maybe start to sculpt out some abs in 5.5!!!