Well it’s been like a month since I wrote last and announced my plans to compete in bikini at the end of June. I guess it’s about time for an update, right? Why not.
I said prep is no joke, but I’m not even ON prep yet! This is like, PRE-prep! Crazy. So I’ve been working out and eating on this new plan for a month now- and it’s interesting. I’m doing less cardio than I’m used to, and finding that it’s very difficult to force myself out of bed at 5:30 in the morning for only 35 minutes of cardio. It’s so much easier to say, ‘Psh, what’s 35 minutes?So THAT has definitely been an adjustment. The workouts are great, CJ has given me a book of personalized workouts for every single day, with different set and rep counts every week, and I am usually sore SOMEwhere every day- which I love. I don’t work one on one with him all the time, but have been lifting at his gym so that if I have any questions or need any help with anything, he or one of the other trainers are right there to assist- this has been a huge part of the process. And the diet’s not impossible either. Lots of eggs, chicken, green veggies, bananas, protein shakes- All stuff I love! The work week is the best for my diet because my days are very routinely structured- easy to stick to my meals. The weekends are tough- I get one cheat meal a week but it’s really hard to walk past a dish of M&Ms and not justify a couple by pretending to lump it in with my cheat meal haha. Hanging out with my friends hasn’t been impossible yet, they’re all really understanding of what I’m going through, and don’t seem to mind when I bust out a dish of chicken and broccoli at 8:30 in the evening and eat it wherever we are. But I imagine as the diet becomes more strict, it’ll be tougher to do.
The hardest part is the actual changing of my body, and accepting these changes into my logical mind. I have been at this for 4 weeks now, and as of today I am up one lb. I think it’s a fake lb, fluctuation, but still. The first day of training I weighed 159 lbs- in the four weeks- I have not gone over 160, but I haven’t been under 158 either. I know in my logical mind that muscle weighs more than fat, and I realize that a pair of size 8 pants I bought last month are now too big for me… I can see the muscles in my quads growing, and I can see my arms becoming more defined and my shoulders developing… These are all wonderful things, but for as often as we talk about how the scale doesn’t matter- it’s hard to let go of it completely. I recognize that my body is changing in a positive way, but that damn number has GOT to come down. I’m eating well, and I’m working out regularly. I know it’s irrational to worry about the number, but I do, and try as I might- I can’t help it. I’m sure as my body continues to transform into what I WANT it to look like, the number will bother me less and less, but I feel like I’m so far away from where I think I need to be for June, and it’s stressful. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to (Okay I had a tall Skinny Vanilla Latte today, but my brain was broken, it was my first coffee in almost 2 months and it was necessary.) so I just need to trust the process. I don’t know when I’ll have my measurements taken again but I hope the tapes show more of a change than that damn scale does. That will also help me put my mind at ease!
I’ve already calmed down from where I was this morning, had a couple good friends beat some sense into me, treated myself to a tall coffee, blasted my current favorite song on repeat until I got to work, and wore my new favorite outfit that I picked up for super cheap at the thrift store this weekend. So I’m good, and I’m ready to work back this evening, and I’m thinking I’ll even go to hot yoga when I’m done at the gym tonight.. I haven’t been in about a month and I think it might be just what I need to get some serious sweat on and get my had back in the right place!
I have 2.5 weeks left until the official 16 week competition prep starts, and I’d really like to make some big strides before then. My french toast cheat meal brunch is already planned for Sunday morning with my best friend, and I’m going to be perrrrrrfect until then, and work out hard. Also no more skipping AM cardio- no matter how much I hate getting off an elliptical after just 35 minutes!
IT’S GO TIMEEEE.