It’s YOUR responsibility.

I have more than a 1,000 followers on Twitter, more than 5,000 followers on Instagram, and more than 12,000 followers on my Facebook Fan Page. And for as much as I desperately try to make everyone happy- it has been made painfully clear to me on more than one occasion that this is impossible. I spend a lot of time on these different social media networks as I attempt to interact with everyone who writes to me or asks me a question- and this is in addition to the messages and e-mails I get on my personal accounts. I literally LOVE talking to everyone and helping in any and every way I can- and I try to post content that I feel is worth sharing- and I will continue to do so.

There was a little reaction to a picture I posted yesterday- and I wanted to talk about it. I deleted the picture from both Instagram and Facebook- just because I didn’t want to keep going back and forth in the comments, but here it is.

trophywife

I posted it with the hashtag #tbt, for ‘throwback Thursday’, as this is a picture from when I was doing a musical in the summer of 2010. I also said ‘Woof.’

Someone commented on the picture with a sentiment that I’ve heard before- so I thought I’d address it because I think there are some misunderstandings. A girl commented that I should really watch what I say about myself, basically because it could make other people that are bigger feel badly about THEMselves. I replied back to her with how I felt, and shortly thereafter deleted the picture and the comments- because I had decided that it was issue enough for this blog post- so here it is.

When it comes down to it, this is about responsibility, and the problem here comes in when people confuse what is who’s responsibility.  It’s frustrating to me that if I post a picture of myself saying ‘Hey guys look how awesome I look,’ I risk being called vain, conceited, or a braggart… Yet if I post a picture of myself and say ‘Woof,’ I have to worry about hurting other people’s feelings?? So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. Got it.

My next thought- I understand what this girl and what other’s are saying. I remember being bigger and having it upset me when my skinnier friends would talk about not liking certain things about themselves, and me thinking ‘Oh shut up at least you’re skinny, if you think you’re fat you must think I’m so gross.’ I played the victim over and over and over again- until I finally got over myself- and did something about it. So I get it, I understand where the comments are coming from…

But I look at the old photos of myself, and it literally hurts. I can remember the pain I was in physically and emotionally- I look at the pictures and just think about all the things I did and all the things I didn’t do that contributed to me getting to that point- to becoming as unhealthy I was. To pretend that I liked the way I looked or felt back then would be a lie. And if I had been satisfied with the way I looked and felt, I never would have been able to lose the weight in the first place! Change does not happen in satisfaction you guys, change happens in DISsatisfaction. The way I view myself now, then or at any point in my life should have absolutely zero effect on how anyone else sees themselves. If me expressing distaste with the way I looked when I was obese makes you feel badly about yourself- then maybe there’s something else there that you should be looking into.

My point is this- it is NOT my responsibility to make sure that people are comfortable with themselves. That is everyone’s OWN responsibility. MY responsibility is to myself- this is my life and my journey- it has been from the beginning and it will be until the end. You are responsible for your own happiness, your own health, and your own self-esteem. If you find yourself feeling badly about the way you look and the way you feel about you, then it’s a sign that you should do something to make yourself happy. We are our own worst critics, and I will not be afraid to look at old pictures of myself and say ‘Damn Kyle, you sure let yourself get fat.’ You guys- I was fat! That’s like, scientific fact. It’s not up for debate. The moment I become complacent with the obesity at any stage is a moment I risk going back and I can tell you right now I refuse to do that.

I understand 100% where the comments are coming from. I really, really do. But at the same time, it’s time that everyone takes responsibility for their own beings and their own lives. If you’re offended- take a step back and figure out why. Is it really because I called myself fat? Or is there another reason? The moment you stop relying on everyone else to make sure you’re comfortable, the moment you take control of your own life- that’s the moment you’ll start to do things you never thought possible.

If you’re unhappy, do something about it- don’t just sit around and watch while everyone else does.

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26 thoughts on “It’s YOUR responsibility.

  1. kelly says:

    Amen to all of that. You can’t please everyone. It’s your right to celebrate your new self, After all, you’re the one that put in all the work.

  2. Casey Matson says:

    At least you havent had the response “you’re rubing it in our faces”

    Yeah, i just got that- and ive only started my journey. kinda sucks, but looks like i wont be posting as much- or be super proud. =/

    • kylethegirl says:

      Oh, I’ve gotten that alright. That’s why I took off from July to January!!! Seriously Casey though, the realization has to hit. You’re doing something AMAZING- something that not everyone has the willpower to do. If they’re hatin’ on you for bettering yourself, then you do not need them in your life. They can unfriend you, unsubscribe to your posts, a myriad of other things. I love seeing your progress- you make me so damn proud. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing anything that’s helping propel your success.

  3. elisa says:

    Great blog and I totally agree…its like saying you depend on someone else to be happy, we all have a responsibility to ourselves. Good for you for standing your ground and making such a valid point. Its time we not look to others to make US happy, thats our jobs no one elses! I hate how people these days like to blame others for making them feel bad about themselves! Keep up the great work girl, you have inspired me!

  4. Beth says:

    I completely agree with you. It’s NOT your job to make someone feel better about themselves. If they are already feeling bad about themselves they are going to read into every little thing they read. You should be VERY proud of all your hard work. You saw what you wanted to change, and changed it. That is a big deal. If they can’t take that step now… then they never will.

  5. Annie says:

    i don’t think you could have said it any better. hopefully the message will be received and people will stop trying to project their own insecurities onto others.

  6. Fit.Fat.Fut. Addie says:

    So true. I remember you getting these comments before about “Stop to think what you are saying…” and I completely understand what you are saying. When I talk about being unhappy with certain aspects of my body and how I’m working on them to someone else who is larger than me, the thought later pops into my head about how I made them feel. HOWEVER, I then decide… I’m on a different journey than they are and I wasn’t talking about their body, I was talking about my own. If it made them uncomfortable, it’s because of their own shortcomings.

    And I realized that I’m guilty of that way of thinking in the past. When I was fat, I used to look at thin woman and hate them for being thin. I’ve never been thin or fit in my life. Some people are born naturally athletic and it’s not a struggle and I hated them for it. But now I see that working so hard for it, I’m going to appreciate it so much more. That pretty much goes for everything I’ve had to work to get.

    I had a friend ask me to help her lose weight, but she wouldn’t do the things I was recommending. Dude, you can’t expect to lose weight drinking all that pop and eating fast food twice a day. In the end, I stopped trying, because I couldn’t MAKE her want it. If she really wanted it, she would put effort into it.

    This was a long comment.

    P.S. You are awesome. 🙂

  7. Aprile says:

    I agree with you 100%. I wanted to comment on your photo yesterday and say that you shouldn’t say those things about yourself because you were as beautiful then as you are now. Don’t worry about others, everyone has an opinion of you but yours is the only one that matters 🙂

  8. allaboutash514 says:

    So, I find it funny that you posted this today. I was thinking about this as I was getting dressed this morning. The comments and questions on your page and Lauras. It is totally NOT your responsibility, it’s OURS! I like you on FB and follow on Instagram b/c it’s motivating. Not b/c I want to be you or pick your brain. I have google for that and people at GNC or a running store. You have a freaking full time job and a life! Anyway, I think you’re a great motivater and have been quite successful in your journey and I personally say thanks for the updates and photos. I have a decent journey ahead myself and it’s reassuring to see progress like yours and to know someone else was excited about a size 10. LoL Keep up the awesome work and screw those who waste your time like this! 😉

  9. Angela Nelson Leflett says:

    AMEN! I’m so sick of people trying to tell others how to live/talk/breathe/eat/sleep. I agree, if they don’t like you saying ew to yourself, then they have other underlying issues. And maybe you posting that picture saying ew, helps someone get the push they need. I say keep doing what you’re doing. You’re such an inspiration to me, and I enjoy your posts the good/bad/ugly.

  10. Katie G says:

    Very well said! As a fellow chubber myself (155lbs/5’4″) I understand looking back at pictures and remembering how much I disliked myself. Now 121 lbs (& maintaining for five yrs) I LOVE life! I am happy and full of energy.

    I also work in public relations… this is YOUR blog, YOUR story, YOUR health. You’re not running a corporation, you’re sharing your *personal* journey. If someone does not like your post (which was not offensive) it’s THEIR choice to continue reading. Not everyone will appreciate your journey, what matters is that YOU appreciate it and remain true to yourself. Anytime you put yourself out there, you will receive positive and negative feedback.

    Keep up the great work!

  11. Sara Jane says:

    I took the “Woof” more like a “Yeesh”. Don’t watch what you say. You have no reason to because you are not a mean person. If something you say gets taken way out of context then it’s the other persona fault, not yours. No one knows how you felt in that picture except yourself and you are allowed to express that.

  12. Julie says:

    Amen girl! Very well said Kyle. I can see why you felt it was best to remove the picture, but I still wish you wouldn’t have. People can be do god damn sensitive and feel it’s their right to blame others for hurting their feelings. You’re awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

  13. Jessica says:

    Girl, do what you gotta do and say whatever the hell you want. this is YOUR journey, and the rest of us are rooting for you and hoping to get some inspiration. I myself lost quite a bit of weight and when I was proud of myself was called conceited, and now i’m pregnant and wishing i could feel that confident again! ( don’t get me wrong, i love being pregnant and the fact that i’m about to be a mom. ) but I am going to bust my ass to get back to where I was before and even more. you can’t make everyone happy. if they have an issue, sucks to be them.

  14. Val says:

    Great post, you are so inspiring. And ppl need to realize the picture wasn’t meant to say you weren’t pretty or intelligent or an awesome person. It is about health and all the work you’ve done to improve yourself to be the best you can be. And that’s something to be proud of and if others can’t appreciate that then they have bigger issues they need to address that have nothing to do with you, your weight loss or one picture. Keep it up, I guarantee more ppl appreciate your progress and posts than the ones that don’t. And that’s what makes it worth it.

  15. Alison (mamathegirl) says:

    I agree with Val. “ppl need to realize the picture wasn’t meant to say you weren’t pretty or intelligent or an awesome person. It is about health” I also agree with a comment on Facebook (sorry, don’t remember who said it) about how this is applicable to life in general and that sometimes we need to remind ourselves that how we feel about ourselves is no one else’s responsibility but our own. I am not immune to judging myself against others, I think all of us fall into that trap sometime in our lives, but Kyle, you hit it, we need to STOP in our tracks when that happens. That is when we need to look and see what it is about ourselves that is making us feel inferior. It’s the only way to make our lives better. Personally I needed to be reminded of that this morning. Funny, I read your post yesterday, loved it, but hadn’t responded. Today I saw it again on your facebook page and read it again (along with all of those awesome comments) and you know what? It hit home. I took a look at what I was letting make me feel bad and decided right then and there that I didn’t really give a crap about it and tossed that feeling bad shit right out the damn window. Fascinating how what I needed to hear was right there when I needed to hear it. Hmmm, the girl teaches the mama. Cool.

  16. Chanellele says:

    I’m not a regular reader but I felt compelled to comment on this. I read your whole post and, while I 100% agree that you CANNOT and SHOULD NOT strive to make everyone happy (it’s just not realistic), I slightly agree with the thought that it is hurtful to talk about yourself in a negative way, and it’s not because I’m obese and am pinning my responsibility to change on you, but because I strongly believe that negative self-talk and self-hatred or body-hatred are a huge problem with women and girls, period. I understand that concept of change coming from dissatisfaction, because people don’t make changes when they are totally happy with themselves, but nowhere in this post did I get a sense that you made changes in yourself out of LOVE for yourself, not hatred, and please, correct me if I’m wrong about that. It would be so easy for me to just jump out and say “EFF THE HATERS THIS IS YOUR LIFE DON’T LISTEN TO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS!!!1”, but I think that at least some (not all) of the negative comments you have gotten don’t come from a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” place, but a “why do women always have to put themselves down!” place.. because no woman should hate themselves so much that they want to change, because there is a difference between hating yourself/your body and using that as a change agent, and loving yourself enough to recognize that what you are doing isn’t working for you, and that it is in your own best interest to change. Anyway, I feel myself getting blabby so I will just say that, even though I did not actually see the negative comments you got, I think it’s great that you set aside a whole post to set the record straight instead of just blowing readers/followers off, especially if you felt hurt bu what others were saying, but I know that for ME, when I see someone criticizing herself, it doesn’t come from me wanting to lose weight, but it comes from being tired of seeing beautiful, healthy, able-bodied women speak about themselves from a place of self/body hatred, because it hurts ME to see others put themselves down, and I believe that it contributes to a larger culture of negative self-talk and body hatred.

    I hope my point was received well, and I congratulate you on the success you have had on your journey.

    Chanelle

    • kylethegirl says:

      I understand what you’re saying, and I appreciate the sentiments- and I think you make some really good points. I will clarify- I said that I hated the way I looked, and the way I felt- I never said I hated myself. I think you’re 100% right- I don’t think you can change yourself for the better out of hate- I think you HAVE to love yourself to be able to step back and say ‘You deserve better than this. You deserve to feel better.’ So thank you for bringing that point up. I often say to my mom that I feel that the weight loss has brought me a sense of balance. I FINALLY feel like the girl on the outside matches the girl on the inside. I don’t feel like I’m two different people battling for space, I feel like I’m finally the person that I was supposed to have been the whole time- does that make sense?

      Anyways, thank you so much for reading- and for commenting.

      • Chanellele says:

        Oh yes.. it actually makes PERFECT sense! I actually got very sick with something called Cushing’s disease when I was just 16 (a very rare, horrible disease, I urge you to google it), anyway, I went from a 130ish lb cheerleader to a 180lb horribly sick person and I literally hated myself. I was young so it took me time to realize that illness wasn’t my fault and to stop blaming myself. I also had to get to that point to be strong enough to go through the two brain surgeries and adrenal gland removal surgery to get to the amazing point I am in my life now (I lost all the weight and more, btw and I not have Addison’s disease, but am much better off). Anyway, that may seem like a weird example but I am just saying that to say that I can relate to looking at yourself and hating yourself, and I know it’s a horrible feeling. Since all that drama I have gotten really into healthy eating and women’s issues and what I described in my last comment is a HUGE problem amongst women. Glad to know that you meant and you have every right to criticize yourself… especially if it’s past pictures! Some people are always going to take offense.. to everything you say.. so just ignore them 😉 I am happy that you feel more like yourself and the best I can wish for everyone is health, happiness, and to be able to look at themselves and feel as beautiful as the person they see staring back.

        Thank you for your time 🙂
        Chanelle

  17. Concerned says:

    I read what you said here and it makes me a little sad that you talk about how painful it is to see those old pics. We have to learn to love ourselves even when we were not what we totally wanted to be. Chasing perfection can never make anyone happy long term. I don’t mean this in a mean way at all but I hope that you have combined a little counseling in with your new healthier life style. It could be the perfect final step to feeling 100% better in your new body.

    • kylethegirl says:

      I appreciate your concern, and I can see how for many people maybe counseling could help- but it’s not necessary. I love the girl I used to be, and I love that she was strong enough and that she loved herself enough to take her life back. I’m not chasing perfection, I don’t believe any one can be perfect. I’m chasing the best version of myself- which is something I think everyone SHOULD do. I don’t think anyone should settle for mediocrity. I feel fanTASTic in my new body, I’m in love with it! And I love that I’ve learned that it can do anything 🙂

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