My Handana review!

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SO! About a month ago I was contacted by Handana, and asked if I would be interested in trying out their product, and doing a review. Uh, try out fittie gear? Heck yeah I’m interested! A few days later, this precious pink thing arrives in the mail. It’s like they know me.

The purpose of the Handana is essentially to give you a hands free way of keeping your sweat under control. I was immediately intrigued by this, because on my hour long stretches on the stair climber, I’m forever that girl who’s lifting her shirt to wipe away the sweat. I just never got into carrying a towel around with me, I don’t like having to carry things. What can I say, I’m lazy like that. I mean, I already have my phone, my headphones, my workout book, a pen, sometimes a water- like who even has another hand for a towel, seriously. 

It’s made of this super soft lycra material and I found it to be extremely comfortable on my hand. It slips right on your hand, thumb through the whole and you’re golden. I’ve worn it a HAND-ful of times, (haha I’m so punny) for my cardio workouts, and it’s been really effective. I forget it’s there, right up until I have sweat falling in my eyes, and then it’s just a quick swipe of the hand on the face and I can keep trudging along. And it’s not like it just moves the sweat, it seriously does soak it up, it’s much more effective than my lifting-the-shirt-method. 

I REALLY wish I’d gotten a chance to take a hot yoga class to see how it held up in there, but I wasn’t able to get to a class. I IMAGINE it would work well, it’s not intrusive at all, it’s not uncomfortable, like I said- it’s almost like it’s not even there.

I tried wearing it one day when I was lifting, but that didn’t work out well. I like to wear lifting gloves, and the Handana took away any grip I had, so it was a no-go for me for weight lifting, but a definite winner for cardio. 

It’s a breeze to clean, I just toss it in a lingerie bag with my delicates, wash it with my clothes and let it air-dry! Mine is a size SMALL, and it fits perfectly. They say that the medium fits most women, but I think that a medium would have been too big for me.

I would definitely recommend this product, I can already think of a few people in my life who might just have to be getting one for Christmas later this year! You can order your own Handana (comes in a VARIETY of colors) through http://www.myhandana.com. I think you’ll love it!!

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Post-competition. THE NOVEL OF ALL NOVELS!!!

I thought for sure I was ready to write this post, yet I’ve managed to keep myself busy with anything BUT writing it since I said I was going to, TWO HOURS AGO. I don’t know what the problem is, I think I’m afraid of it being another novel haha. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SHORT AND CONCISE. It’s a flaw.

Okay so the show was just about three weeks ago, on June 29th. After 25 weeks of dieting and working my ASS off in the gym every day, it was finally here. The day before the show, Jake and I did some running around for last minute things for the show and vacation, and I was wearing a pair of size 6 shorts that were literally falling off of me. I weighed in show morning at my lightest ever- 147lbs. I mean, I guess not ever. I had to pass 147 at some point on my way up to 218, right? Haha but 147 on show morning was the lowest number I think I’ve ever seen on a scale. I mean, I was wearing a size 10 when I was 14 years old, I don’t know how much I weighed but it had to have been at least 165 or 170 at that point. Not fat, but I was no 147 swimming in size 6’s!

day before

I felt AMAZING on the day of the show. I was ecstatic with how the spray tan turned out everywhere except my face. She said she was going light, but my face was Tan Mom all over again. I was panicked, but thankfully hired an amazeballs professional makeup artist to do my makeup that morning. As it turns out, her specialty is foundation, and she was able to turn me into this rockstar fitness Barbie BOMBSHELL I hardly even recognized.

makeup theresa

I obviously looked fake as hell and nothing like myself, but I felt amazing. I couldn’t stop staring at myself, as conceited as it sounds. I’ve been the fat girl for my entire adult life, so to look at myself in the mirror and see what I saw and feel what I felt… I can’t even really describe it. I had been nervous about standing on stage in front of who knew how many people in a bathing suit and hooker heels, but the spray tan, the extra blonde highlights, the full face of stage makeup, the fake eyelashes, the fake nails and the flashy jewelry acted as a costume for me. I was barely wearing any clothing, but there was so much ON me that I felt covered- if that makes any sense. The body was there, it was all me, but all these added extras helped boost my confidence through the roof which in turn allowed me to relax a little when it came to thinking about being on the stage.

BnA

My best friend Callah acted as my right hand man backstage. She kept me on track with when I needed to eat and what I needed to eat, helped me touch up my makeup and my hair when needed, and just all around kept me company.

callah

Jake was of course back stage too, (my bodybuilding boyfriend for anyone reading who doesn’t know already!!) but it was his first show too and he needed to focus on getting himself ready too. I was able to check the list of classes and see the names, competitor numbers and heights of the other women I’d be competing with. At 5’10”, not only was I obviously in the ‘Bikini Tall’ class, but I was literally the tallest woman entered in the whole show lol. 6’3″ with the heels! There were 6 women in the Bikini Tall class, and they would be placing 5. I was like, Okay cool all I have to do is be better than one woman!! Spoiler alert, I wasn’t. I didn’t place. I know right, 6 women, 5 places, I’M the odd one out!!

By the time I went on stage for pre-judging, I’d already gone out into the audience to watch Jake’s portions of the show. He did such an amazing job, it was so cool to be able to sit out there with our families, watch him and be able to SEE that he was definitely a top contender. We knew when he was on stage that he was going to pull first places, and I’m just still so proud of what he brought to the stage that day. He worked so hard- he deserved it.

jake

Pre-judging was interesting, since I’d been in the audience already- I knew where mine and Jake’s families were sitting, I could hear them yelling and cheering for me, and I just gave it all I had. I felt good about my poses, and I felt good on the stage.

prejudging

Honestly, at this point so much of it is a blur. There were a couple of hours of intermission between the pre-judging and the finals, we went out to the lobby to see our families. Lots of hugs and high fives all around- but one of MY favorite moments was when I saw my coach’s wife. She hadn’t been at the morning show, so she hadn’t seen me yet- but as soon as she did she started welling up. She follows my Fluff to Buff page, so she knows what I’ve done- and she just told me how proud she was of me and what an amazing job I’d done. To see this woman I don’t even know all that well get emotional over me doing the show and the work I’d put into it- it was just another stick of validation that I’d done something great no matter what the results of the evening would bring. That meant a lot to me. (Thanks, Kim!!!) Jake’s family decided to go with mine to grab food, but since it was raining we decided we didn’t want to risk our spray tans outside so we stayed at the venue and hung out back stage with a couple of our teammates.

backstage

The evening show came along, and I again went out into the audience to watch Jake’s routine, which was, for lack of a better word- amazing. He hit every pose with perfection, threw a military salute into it- the crowd went insane…. I was SO nervous for him to go on, and was SO proud when he nailed it. Speaking of the day being a blur, I barely remember doing my t-walk. I remember being paranoid that I was going to forget it all, and I remember hearing my family and one of the trainers from the gym screaming for me, but that’s about it. Then all we could do was wait.

They did the bodybuilding awards first, and I watched my guy pile up his trophies. I remember even telling a couple of the girls back stage after he’d won his first places, ‘That one? First place? Yeah that’s my boyfriend.’ Haha such a girl. It came time for my class’s awards to be announced, and it was tough. I had been telling myself for 6 months that it wasn’t about placing, placing didn’t matter. And it didn’t- in the grand scheme of things. But it was really hard to feel that good about myself all day long and to have gone through so many ups, so many downs, to put my heart and soul, blood, sweat and tears into this one day, to have had EVERYTHING I had done for the past six months revolve all around this ONE moment, and then be the ONLY one who didn’t place. Even after posting pictures all throughout the day and hearing all sorts of amazing things from all of my supporters online and in person- I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t MEGA bummed out when I wasn’t called up. I went back and forth between being super proud I’d come as far as I did, and feeling stupid that I’d actually gotten my hopes up a little bit about placing. I was able to hold myself together for the most part… And then one of the amazing women I’d met getting our tans the night before and had shown my before picture to, came up to me and gave me a huge hug and told me that I was beautiful, and that I should be so proud of what I’ve done, and that I didn’t need any judges to tell me that I’d won. I was glad she walked away when she did because she definitely made me cry. I went and changed my clothes real quick and came back in time to watch Jake win his last two of his four total awards. While he was on stage, a trainer from my gym and his girlfriend who had also competed that day (and placed in her class) both came up to me with the same kind of kind words. Hugs and congrats, both breaking me down again. What is that??? WHY is it so easy to hold yourself together until someone comes up to you to be nice?! Bah!

So, it was rough. I struggled that evening with finding a balance of feeling sorry for myself, and feeling overwhelming pride for Jake, who completely annihilated.

trophies

We went out to dinner after the show with our families, which was nice. We went to a favorite of mine, an Irish pub called Kelly’s. Jake and I ordered some spinach artichoke dip which we slaughtered in no time, and then had crab dip that we shared with the families, and split a burger and onion rings. We were full when we left, but didn’t make ourselves sick.

Kellys

After a long hot shower that night I laid in bed, exhausted, a little numb to the day, confused about how I felt about everything, bummed and relieved that it was all over, but a little nervous about whatever was yet to come.

On our way to Hatteras in the morning, Jake and I stopped at Denny’s and there was another massacre of sorts.

dennys

That’s kind of what the whole week was like to be honest. We went down there with a plan, we weren’t going to go crazy. We took protein powder, the blender for shakes, all kinds of healthy things to eat, and then it all just went to shit. We ate what we wanted all day every day, and drank pretty much every night. We had a blast, and it was delicious- and I regret it and don’t all at the same time. I had been prepping for the show since January, but I hadn’t eaten anything that bad for me or eaten that MUCH or drank that MUCH in over a year. I knew I shouldn’t have been that extreme, I heard plenty of warnings about coming off the competition diet, but it didn’t matter at the time. We just ate.

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(^^^ fluffy on the beach. Yeah and that was only like 2 days in LOL)

So, the numbers. I know you want to know how much weight I gained in that week. I wasn’t going to tell you guys, I really didn’t want to hear the lectures to be honest with you. ‘Shouldn’t have eaten that much, metabolic damage, wah wah wah.’ So please. I’ll tell you- but keep the lectures to yourselves if you don’t mind. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you’re told beforehand, some lessons have to be learned first hand.

The morning of the show, I weighed 147lbs. Granted, I was completely dry of water- and it was first thing in the morning, empty stomach. But 147 on June 29th right… On the evening of July 7th, just 8 days later…..168. Oh yeah. I wasn’t expecting it to be that high, but at least I didn’t weigh as much as Jake!! I won’t tell his numbers though, not my business to tell haha. But they were pretty impressive too.

So anyways, woke up Monday am, scale said 165. So I’m like, okay. 18lbs in a week. It’s not all real, it’s mostly water…. Whatever we have to tell ourselves to make us feel better, right haha. So I started back at the gym that day, started drinking my gallon and a half again, and went back to mostly chicken and sweet potatoes, eggs and oatmeal and broccoli. My body responds to it, it’s what feels best, so there. It’s a week and a half later and I’m back in the 150’s, and I don’t look like a whale- so we’re in a good place.

159

It’s the high 150’s, but it’s still 150’s. AND I did cardio yesterday, but literally that is the only cardio I’ve done since before the show. So I fully expect to drop more poundage once I get back on my regular cardio game. I fit comfortably in my size 6 jeans, the 4’s are a wiiiiiiittle snug…. Okay they flat out don’t fit lol who am I kidding.

SO WHAT NOW, RIGHT?

Well, there’s a competition on September 14th, it’s about 8 weeks away. Jake is doing it, so he’s back on serious prep grind already. Me? I don’t know. I probably won’t be doing it. It’s a pro-qualifier, which means that the competition is going to be even steeper than it was at the show I did- and I didn’t even place in that one! I don’t want to do a show if I can’t take a body that’s better than the one I had before- know what I mean? So right now I’m just focusing on getting my body back to where I’m happy with it. I’m cool with it now, but I still feel some fluff, I’d like to tighten up. I’m not stressing about anything, if I want a rice cake with chunky peanut butter and raisins on it, I’m gonna eat it.. (and did yesterday!) I’m sticking to my eggs and oatmeal in the morning because it’s delicious and I love it, and chicken and sweet potatoes throughout the day. If I want something else, I’m going to have it- within reason. I’m still training every day, and I want to get back to cardio at least 5 mornings a week- as well as getting my gallon and a half in every day. I’ve decided that my size 6 jeans are the largest I’m willing to go, they will be my gauge! If I make some SERIOUS progress in the next handful of weeks, and it’s 3 weeks from the next show and I feel like I can compete, then I will. But I’m not going to break my back working for it. I have no problem with going just to carry Jake’s trophies 🙂 Yes, I will definitely do another show sometime, and I’ll even do the 12-16 mega prep for them- but I’ve been serious dieting for six months and need to be a little more relaxed for a bit. Like I said, I don’t want to do another show until I can go better than I was before. That’s really what this whole lifestyle is about anyways right? It’s about SELF-IMPROVEMENT and change, and learning.

So what have I learned? First off- next show- I won’t have them tan my face. I WILL hire a makeup artist to do my makeup and match my face to my tan, but I will not have them spray my face! I won’t go on a week long food bender post-show next time either. Again, no lectures needed, lesson learned. It won’t be that bad after only a 12-16 week show prep either, you gotta remember this was 6 months of serious dieting. My very first bikini show is under my belt, I’ve got that experience I can check off the list! As far as my body goes- abs are next. Yes I’d LIKE to be in the 140s on a regular non competition day, and honestly I think that’s doable. I mean, I was in the 150s for 6 months, so I don’t think 140s is impossible. But more importantly than the number on the scale, I want abs. I’ll even sacrifice the 140s and stay in the 150s until the day I die if I can just get some damn abs to come in. So those are next.

I feel like I’m starting to ramble and fall all over the place, this has gotten way too damn long. I’m so sorry this probably took you forever and a day to read- but I’ve been getting all kinds of questions and am just now feeling like I’ve sort of got the answers.

All in all, it was an amazing experience, and even with the not placing and the post show weight gain, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

show casual

Anyone else notice I didn’t post a lot of body shots over the past two weeks? That’s cuz I kinda got fat for a few minutes there y’all. Wanna see? (this one’s kind of a doozy. But it’s super important.)

I know it’s not that you like seeing me fail- but I know you all appreciate the realities of this lifestyle that I present, and my honesty and all that. So it’s time for some real talk. I feel like anyone that’s been around for a while has been able to see that the past few weeks have been somewhat of a rough patch for me- and I wanted to tell you- and show you- a little more about that. And because I like to warn the boys that might be reading this, there IS going to be some feminine talk in here- I’m just saying. It’s life.

In fact, I hate to do this but that’s where we have to start. My show is on June 29th, and with the way things were going, show day was right on schedule to be right in the middle of ‘that time of the month.’ THAT, ladies and gentleman, is something we can’t have. I’m going to be in enough of a fragile mind-state as it is that day, there is absolutely no need to add PMS and bloating to the mix. Hungry, thirsty, bloated AND PMS? Not a safe environment for ANYone to be around. Thanks to science however, we can use a handy little drug called birth control to manipulate our cycles, move them around, and sometimes even stop them all together. I made an appointment with my Dr., and talked to her about my concerns- the major one being weight gain. Many methods of birth control have been reported to cause weight gain which is also something we can’t have. My Dr. told me that while the birth control that comes in shot method has been linked to weight gain, that by taking the pill she was going to prescribe me- I wouldn’t have any issues. She said, ‘Birth control doesn’t cause you to get fat, eating too much does.’ I thought ‘PERFECT. I know how to control my eating, that’s for sure- let’s do this’. So Tuesday April 30th, I started on the pill.

Everything was going fine, Saturday was May 4th, and I woke up feeling AND looking the best I had to date. I felt lean, I felt small, I felt energized and happy, I felt like I could see some ab definition coming through- it was a good body day.

I’d been PERFECTLY focused all throughout April- I was so proud of myself and how far I had come- I was loving what I was seeing in the mirrors and how I was feeling in my clothes. That Saturday the 4th I went up to Richmond with my Natural Bodyz team where we worked a booth for the team and got to watch our coach compete in and win the IFPA Heavyweight title. I also got to watch both pro and amateur bikini competitions that day- and that was a little bit of a mindf**k. I felt fantastic in my own body and in my skin, but to try and imagine myself in competition condition in what was at the time just 8 weeks- it seemed impossible. After talking to the rest of my teammates- it seemed like the show did the same thing to all of us mentally. We left excited about our show, but at the same time- terrified with a lingering sense of doubt in the air.

Have you ever seen that movie Runaway Bride, with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? (Work with me here.) Julia’s character has a reputation for running out on her weddings. When she’s walking down the aisle for her 4th time, and she’s walking to Richard Gere, they’re both focused on keeping eye contact with each other. As she’s walking, she pauses for a second, they continue to stare into each other’s eyes, she smiles and keeps walking… Then someone in the church snaps a picture whose flash causes Richard Gere’s character to blink- breaking eye contact with Julia. She stops, backs slowly, and eventually turns and runs down the aisle, leaving Richard Gere and her 4th attempt at getting married.

I’m not sure what happened Sunday; I think I woke up late- meaning I got to the gym late for my cardio… I got home ate a meal, and not long after had to go BACK to the gym for my work out. Because I was off schedule, I was going into my work out short a meal that I should have had by that time. I felt like I needed something, but was running out of time and I BLINKED. I grabbed a protein bar out of the cupboard and left. It was chocolate flavored, and can I just tell you- it was delicious. It wasn’t long into my workout though that my insides were wrecked, and I could feel the effects of eating something off of my diet plan for the first time in 5 weeks. Feeling like hell for the rest of my workout SHOULD have been enough to keep me from sabotaging myself any further, but it wasn’t.

This is also the day that I found out the 7 year old daughter of a friend of mine and my sister’s passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. Emotions rise. Monday May 6th I had a falling out with someone in my life who had once been extremely important to me. My feelings were hurt immensely, and I took what happened very personally. I was way more emotional about it than I should have been- even having to take breaks during my leg work out that evening to go stand out behind the gym and cry. (WHAT A GIRL.) That night I went home and gave into something I used to know all too well- emotional eating! And BOY was I emotional. No need to get into detail- ain’t nobody got time for that. Tuesday I had two more falling outs with two more people that had once been very important to me. Awful, nasty, downright mean things were said to me, and instead of fighting back like I’d always done before, I just cut them out. I had no energy for fighting, no energy for hurling insults back in the faces of those I’d been insulted by. Trust and believe: I’ve got a way with words, especially when I’m pissed and I can play dirty and be just as mean- if not meaner- than the rest of them. But I’d decided in this case it wasn’t worth it, and I just left it.

Cue the chocolate chips.

Don’t get me wrong- it wasn’t like I binged for two weeks straight- it was just little cheats here and there, and they were bad cheats. I was on carb and sugar overload- ALL I wanted was crackers and chocolate. My sister and I went to the wake for the little girl Thursday evening; emotionally draining. My parents went out of town that weekend… Before they left my mom and I went through the cupboards and took out all the bad crap I could tempt myself, and while I thought she merely HID the box in the house… Turns out she took it to a neighbor’s house so even if I went looking for it I wouldn’t find it!! That’s love right there.

I was perfection all weekend with them gone, I’m sure due greatly in part to the fact that I spent the entire weekend with a bodybuilder who’s got focus like steel- much like mine had used to be- and who wouldn’t have let me cheat had I tried. Which I didn’t, for the record. So this brings us to this past week. And the muffin massacre. FACEPALM. Long story short there was a catered meeting at my office, and when it was over the food was open for the taking. Two days, and while I won’t tell you how many muffins, it was carb overload. I sat down with my parents and talked to them about it- they had been able to see how miserable I’d been. The first thing that was decided was I was going to stop taking the birth control. The birth control itSELF may not cause weight gain, but I am certain that it messed with my hormones in a negative way, causing my emotions to spike and my willpower to plummet. Those two things combined are bad news.

Let’s start to wrap this up shall we.

May was hard. May 4th I felt amazing, I weighed in at an all-time low of 151lbs and I just felt great. I took a picture of myself on May 15th which I’ll show you- but it was awful. It was the day after the muffins, and I was house-like. I haven’t weighed myself once since I fell off track because I thought it might just slip me further down, so I’ve been avoiding the scale. I knew that if I could just get back to where I FELT good again, that I could get my mind back where it needed to be- which I’ve done. It’s easy to feel like crap and say ‘I’m going to be better,’ but it’s hard to actually DO better. You get in this little pit where you feel like, ‘I feel like shit right now- what’s another bag of M&M’s going to do? I can’t possibly feel any WORSE!!’ But that’s when you have to dig deeper and find that inner FIRE. I woke up yesterday finally feeling normal, and took a picture today that I think is comparable with the May 4th shot.

I FINALLY feel like I’m back to normal, and am back in the mindset of ‘Oh, just under 6 weeks? I can totally shred this up in under 6 weeks. Let’s do it.’

Could I totally throw down some cupcakes or some Oreos right now? You bet your ass I could. But I am so damn close to the finish line; it’s time to finish strong. I’ll have some of my favorite foods when the show is over, and then I’ll settle back into a routine of just eating the healthy foods that make me feel good. This journey never fails to surprise me and teach me about myself.

Fun fact- the day I took the first birth control pill to the day I ‘blinked’ and had the protein bar, was 6 days. Today? 6 days from the last day I took one of the pills. Again, I’m not saying that the birth control made me gain weight, I’m saying it made me more susceptible to my cravings, and weakened my will power. NO, I’m not telling you your birth control is what’s making you fat or keeping you from losing weight- PLENTY OF WOMEN who take birth control lose weight. I just can’t handle the side effects right now- I CAN’T DEAL WITH ALL THESE FEELS! That’s all I’m sayin hahaha.

That being said, check out the craziness. 

May 4th, 151lbs.

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May 15th. Only ELEVEN days later.

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Nice, huh? Oh yeah. That’s after all the crap food and a skipped work out. Oh yeah, totally skipped a work out. BECAUSE I FELT LIKE A HOUSE.

 

May 21st. (10 days later.) After getting my head out of my ass.

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Oh thank ya little baby jesus. This is after 6 days of no birth control, no skipping workouts, being back on my diet and drinking more water than I ever thought physically possible. 

This little 2 week adventure was probably harder for me than even the 4 month plateau I was in from January to April- it’s probably the hardest slump I’ve been in since I started this process. I think it’s because it’s the first time I felt like I actually went BACKWARDS, which is terrifying when you have a deadline. 

Just remember that everyone has these slumps, it’s what you do with them and what you learn from them that sets you apart from the rest. It’s not even how quickly you come out of it- it’s that you come out of it at all, and you come out of it fighting. Remember what you want, and remember that it’s way too important to lose over some stupid food.

It’s crunch time.

I spend a lot of time with social media- way too much time. I have 45 days until this show and I need to focus on it 100%. I am not giving enough of my attention and my dedication and that changes right now.

I lost 60 lbs the last time I deactivated FB from July to January, I need to see what I can do in the next 45 days. I’m not leaving Fluff to Buff or Instagram, but I’m cutting WAY WAY BACK. In order to deactivate my personal account and keep Fluff to Buff active, I’m making my mom admin, and I will allow myself an hour every night to catch up with and update everyone on how everything’s going! I will have to do it through her account, which is how it’ll all be controlled. Yes- I’m 25 and I’m having my mother ground me basically haha but look you gotta do what you’ve gotta do. SO.

Fluff to Buff lives on of course!!! I just won’t be on all day long and I won’t be as readily accessible as I am now. My personal Facebook will be gone until June 30th, and I’ll still be on Instagram. Feel free to keep emailing me, my responses won’t be as quick there either though!

Thanks for your support everyone- this takes effect later tonight.

It’s crunch time.

Thirteen weeks! Supplements and meal prep!

Okay so today was Easter. First of all, don’t even ask me how much candy I ate, because I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it, and it would require that I had an actual idea of how much candy was actually consumed. It wasn’t like Wonka’s factory kind of bad, or even  ‘an 8 year old hoarding his Halloween candy’ kind of bad… But it was most definitely bad for someone who’s trying to compete in bikini in 13 weeks. That’s a fact. Yikes.

My home gym was closed today, so I went back to Planet Fitness for the first time in a long time… I got 70 minutes of cardio in, and a few minutes of ab work before I left. I went to the supplement store next and did what I should have done weeks ago. My coach gave me a list of supplements, but they’re just so damn expensive that I’ve been avoiding it. At posing practice on Saturday I had my measurements taken, and while I’ve lost a handful of inches (three from my waist alone) since January, I haven’t lost any weight and I’m just not progressing along as quickly as I’d like. (I know- maybe if I’d stop eating CANDY on HOLIDAYS… Whatever, shh.) SO. I’ve decided that now that it’s officially the second phase of my preparation- I need to give it 100%. I have to do everything I’m told to a T. I dropped a good chunk of money on the supplements that I was told to get, and I’m looking forward to sticking to everything a million percent from now on.

So here’s what I currently have in the way (whey, haha) of supplements. Now- here’s the catch y’all. I’ll tell you what I have- but if you want more information about these supplements- when you’re supposed to take them, why you take them, what they do for you, how much you’re supposed to take… I implore that you do a little bit of research about them. I’m not saying this to be rude- really. The only thing in this whole group of supplements I’ve taken before are my standard whey and C4, so I literally know NOTHING! I don’t know if I like them, I don’t know how they make me feel- that’s just the way it is!!

supplements

So there’s my whey and my c4, my trusty, trusty Cellucor. Loves it. Today I picked up some pre and post work out materials… Glutamine powder, BCAAs, and Creablast Pro… Also picked up Slim CLA, and an assortment of vitamins. Fish oil, Vitamin C, and a multi-vitamin… LOTSA STUFF. But it’s time to but on my game-face y’all. When you’re looking into supplements, research based on your goals. This is not necessarily the right group of supplements for everyone, just what I was told to take! So- just always do your research.

Then I went to the grocery store, picked up the things I needed for this week’s meal prep, went home and spent the next FOUR HOURS (I know right) getting everything put together. I did things a little differently today than I normally do, and I think I liked the way it turned out so I just thought I’d share.

First off, everyone always wants to know what it is I’m eating every day! Well my diet was just adjusted, here’s what I have packed for tomorrow.

high cal

 

Up at the top we have my steel cut oats, and hardboiled eggs and egg whites… next up? Chicken and sweet potatoes… Instead of making a ton of chicken breasts and trying to slice them all to portion size, I cut the chicken up into little pieces and cooked them in a frying pan with a little pam. Threw some Ms Dash seasonings in there, and that was it for as far as the chicken goes. The sweet potatoes were amazing- I’ve never had them before so I was a little nervous. I washed and peeled them, a roasted them at 425 for 25 minutes after spritzing them with 0 calorie butter flavored Pam, and sprinkled with a little salt and pepper and cinnamon. A-MAZING YOU GUYS. Life changing.

After that- chicken and brown rice- didn’t do anything with the rice. It’s plain- yum! Then chicken and salad and a banana, and dinner is chicken and broccoli. A protein shake before bed to round out the day, and that’s it! Looks like a ton right? Loving it.

So instead of portioning everything out for all week long (I just don’t have that much tupperware haha.) I decided to make big batches of everything I’m going to eat and then each night I’ll just take out what I need for the next day.

meals 1

 

So there we’ve got a ton of chicken, rice, sweet potatoes, broccoli, oatmeal, egg whites…. Fan freaking tastic. Took quite a while and I am just exhausted- but you know what they say! Fail to plan, plan to fail!!

 

Ready to get some sleep- tomorrow’s my day off cardio so I’m going to sleep in a little bit- and it’s going to be a 100% day. It’s time to get reeeeaaaaaaaalllllllll…

 

THIRTEEN WEEKS.

It’s YOUR responsibility.

I have more than a 1,000 followers on Twitter, more than 5,000 followers on Instagram, and more than 12,000 followers on my Facebook Fan Page. And for as much as I desperately try to make everyone happy- it has been made painfully clear to me on more than one occasion that this is impossible. I spend a lot of time on these different social media networks as I attempt to interact with everyone who writes to me or asks me a question- and this is in addition to the messages and e-mails I get on my personal accounts. I literally LOVE talking to everyone and helping in any and every way I can- and I try to post content that I feel is worth sharing- and I will continue to do so.

There was a little reaction to a picture I posted yesterday- and I wanted to talk about it. I deleted the picture from both Instagram and Facebook- just because I didn’t want to keep going back and forth in the comments, but here it is.

trophywife

I posted it with the hashtag #tbt, for ‘throwback Thursday’, as this is a picture from when I was doing a musical in the summer of 2010. I also said ‘Woof.’

Someone commented on the picture with a sentiment that I’ve heard before- so I thought I’d address it because I think there are some misunderstandings. A girl commented that I should really watch what I say about myself, basically because it could make other people that are bigger feel badly about THEMselves. I replied back to her with how I felt, and shortly thereafter deleted the picture and the comments- because I had decided that it was issue enough for this blog post- so here it is.

When it comes down to it, this is about responsibility, and the problem here comes in when people confuse what is who’s responsibility.  It’s frustrating to me that if I post a picture of myself saying ‘Hey guys look how awesome I look,’ I risk being called vain, conceited, or a braggart… Yet if I post a picture of myself and say ‘Woof,’ I have to worry about hurting other people’s feelings?? So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. Got it.

My next thought- I understand what this girl and what other’s are saying. I remember being bigger and having it upset me when my skinnier friends would talk about not liking certain things about themselves, and me thinking ‘Oh shut up at least you’re skinny, if you think you’re fat you must think I’m so gross.’ I played the victim over and over and over again- until I finally got over myself- and did something about it. So I get it, I understand where the comments are coming from…

But I look at the old photos of myself, and it literally hurts. I can remember the pain I was in physically and emotionally- I look at the pictures and just think about all the things I did and all the things I didn’t do that contributed to me getting to that point- to becoming as unhealthy I was. To pretend that I liked the way I looked or felt back then would be a lie. And if I had been satisfied with the way I looked and felt, I never would have been able to lose the weight in the first place! Change does not happen in satisfaction you guys, change happens in DISsatisfaction. The way I view myself now, then or at any point in my life should have absolutely zero effect on how anyone else sees themselves. If me expressing distaste with the way I looked when I was obese makes you feel badly about yourself- then maybe there’s something else there that you should be looking into.

My point is this- it is NOT my responsibility to make sure that people are comfortable with themselves. That is everyone’s OWN responsibility. MY responsibility is to myself- this is my life and my journey- it has been from the beginning and it will be until the end. You are responsible for your own happiness, your own health, and your own self-esteem. If you find yourself feeling badly about the way you look and the way you feel about you, then it’s a sign that you should do something to make yourself happy. We are our own worst critics, and I will not be afraid to look at old pictures of myself and say ‘Damn Kyle, you sure let yourself get fat.’ You guys- I was fat! That’s like, scientific fact. It’s not up for debate. The moment I become complacent with the obesity at any stage is a moment I risk going back and I can tell you right now I refuse to do that.

I understand 100% where the comments are coming from. I really, really do. But at the same time, it’s time that everyone takes responsibility for their own beings and their own lives. If you’re offended- take a step back and figure out why. Is it really because I called myself fat? Or is there another reason? The moment you stop relying on everyone else to make sure you’re comfortable, the moment you take control of your own life- that’s the moment you’ll start to do things you never thought possible.

If you’re unhappy, do something about it- don’t just sit around and watch while everyone else does.

A post for the laaadieeeessss. TMI alert y’all. Men beware.

I wanted to talk to y’all about our favorite 3-10 days of the month haha. I see so many women talking about how hard it is to deal with getting into shape when it’s that time of the month. You get these cravings for the WORST foods that are about as huge as you feel, maddening cramps and migraines, this fatigue that just seems to settle in and take everything out of you- and a short-fused temper to go along with it.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t mind that time of the month when it comes to my routine- in fact- I like to take that handful of days and use it to push even harder than usual. I’ve got this really weird theory- let me see if I can explain it and have it make ANY sense whatsoever. I KNOW that if I weigh myself during that week, that I’m going to be pissed. I know it’s not accurate, and it’s just the hormones screwing with me, but I know that AS A WOMAN, that number is going to be 1-5 lbs higher than it would be normally-and that it’s going to piss me off. What I like to do, is go ahead and accept that number into my life temporarily. I know it’s false and that it’s not an accurate assessment of my normal weight, so I just say FINE. Like right now, I’ve been 158-159 consistently for the past month or so- so when the scale said 161 on Sunday and my ‘week’ began on Monday (this is the TMI portion I was talking about. Sorry- but I think it’s important!), I accepted 161 into my life. I’m now taking the week to KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS, that way any weight that I lose will seem like EXTRA WEIGHT! You know what I mean? If I weigh myself when this is all over and I’ve lost two lbs, it’ll SEEM like I’ve lost like five!! Does this make sense? If I end the week at 156, I know I’ll only have lost 2 real lbs (158-156) but since my monthly visitor told me on Sunday I weighed 161, it’s KIND of like I’ll have lost 5 lbs. And WHO doesn’t love losing 5 lbs in one week?

I know it’s faulty logic and it really just comes down to tricking your brain into thinking you’re losing more than you actually are- but I’d much rather lie to myself and pretend to lose five lbs when I’ve only lost two, than to give into Evil Aunt-Flo and end the week up a pound or two because I couldn’t put down the damn candy bars, and have taken that step backwards and be forced to lose that gained weight all over again.

“But Kyle, how the hell am I supposed to say no to the Girl Scout cookies? This is the worst week of the month, I feel like shit, and I want them AND I’M IRRATIONAL AND HUNGRY.” I know- it’s hard. But… Do it anyways. Seriously- that’s the advice I have. Do it anyways! IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. First thing- make sure you get plenty of sleep. We all over-exhaust ourselves on a daily basis anyways, add to it the fact that our bodies are working over-time, you need to make sure to get enough sleep especially if you’re going the ‘push that much harder’ route that I like to take. Pop some ibuprofen in the morning to help with the cramps and/or back aches if that’s the kind of thing you experience, and move on with your day. Get your work out in, no matter what. And when you DO get your work out in, go a little bit harder- a little bit longer than you would if it were just a normal week. Fight what your body is making you go through! Don’t let ‘that time of the month’ win. Don’t let something that your body does every single month for the majority of your life be the excuse you use for not having made any progress. This is something that happens to every single woman on the planet, for the majority of her life. I hate to tell you this, but it is in this way that you are not unique. You are not special, we all know how you feel. And yes, there ARE exceptions to every rule, and if you’re one of the few who get cramps so badly you’re vomiting up blood and can’t walk- then I do apologize- go see your doctor lol. I’m just talking about the average woman with the average cycle.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the week that I was going to go to yoga at 6am every morning this week, eat perfectly, lift perfectly, do my cardio and abs every day, and that I wasn’t going to weigh myself ALL WEEK. No scale from Monday to Saturday- and so far, as of 11:30am on Thursday morning, I’ve done just that. I’ve been PERFECT- despite it being the week it is. Better than being perfect with my work outs and my eating during a tough week? I actually feel smaller than I have in a while. Which is ACES because that means when this week is over, and it’s NOT that time of the month, I should feel even better than I do now! And THAT is exciting and enough to keep me going hard through the rest of the week. Progress is progress, and you do NOT have to let biology hold you up from making it.

I know you want to drink a bottle of wine and to eat your bloated weight in chocolate covered pretzels, but seriously? It’s 3-10 days, depending on how lucky or unlucky the universe deemed you- and you can get through it without a hitch. You’ve been battling this monthly inconvenience for YEARS now, you know the symptoms, the pains, the cravings, the emotions, you are more than equipped to kick it’s ass and tell it that it doesn’t dictate your progress.

ANYWAYS. That’s what I have to say about that. :)

This is my mama y’all!

You’re probably here because you follow me on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, and in those cases, you’ve seen me plug this video a couple times already. I’m not trying to annoy the crap out of anyone, but this is really important to me and my family, and I’m going to KEEP plugging it for a few more days!!

My parents just started their own business, Wise Training & Consulting, LLC, and they’ve got some amazing ideas and are off to an amazing start. My mom is trying to win a scholarship to Marie Forleo’s 8 week online business school, in hopes of learning new ways to help propel their business even further. It’s a 90 second video, just take a minute and a half out of your day and check it out.

My parents are passionate about their vision, and therefore I am passionate about it as well. Check it out, ‘like’ it if you like it, share it if you think it could benefit someone you know, etc.

When you’re done with that, if you’re feeling super into it, my Facebook Fan Page, Fluff to Buff, (www.facebook.com/flufftobuff) is doing a giveaway for anyone who’s watched my mom’s video!

Once you’ve watched the video, e-mail me at kylethegirl.blog@gmail.com and tell me 1. Your first and last name, 2. what kind of boat my dad has (in the video!!) and 3. what made you decide you needed to make a lifestyle change and what you’re doing to accomplish that! I’m LOVING reading your stories!! 200 words or less, and all entries must be in by 12:00pm EST, this Friday! ♥ ♥ ♥

I love you all, you inspire me each and every day.

prep is no joke!

Well it’s been like a month since I wrote last and announced my plans to compete in bikini at the end of June. I guess it’s about time for an update, right? Why not. 

I said prep is no joke, but I’m not even ON prep yet! This is like, PRE-prep! Crazy. So I’ve been working out and eating on this new plan for a month now- and it’s interesting. I’m doing less cardio than I’m used to, and finding that it’s very difficult to force myself out of bed at 5:30 in the morning for only 35 minutes of cardio. It’s so much easier to say, ‘Psh, what’s 35 minutes?So THAT has definitely been an adjustment. The workouts are great, CJ has given me a book of personalized workouts for every single day, with different set and rep counts every week, and I am usually sore SOMEwhere every day- which I love. I don’t work one on one with him all the time, but have been lifting at his gym so that if I have any questions or need any help with anything, he or one of the other trainers are right there to assist- this has been a huge part of the process. And the diet’s not impossible either. Lots of eggs, chicken, green veggies, bananas, protein shakes- All stuff I love! The work week is the best for my diet because my days are very routinely structured- easy to stick to my meals. The weekends are tough- I get one cheat meal a week but it’s really hard to walk past a dish of M&Ms and not justify a couple by pretending to lump it in with my cheat meal haha. Hanging out with my friends hasn’t been impossible yet, they’re all really understanding of what I’m going through, and don’t seem to mind when I bust out a dish of chicken and broccoli at 8:30 in the evening and eat it wherever we are. But I imagine as the diet becomes more strict, it’ll be tougher to do. 

The hardest part is the actual changing of my body, and accepting these changes into my logical mind. I have been at this for 4 weeks now, and as of today I am up one lb. I think it’s a fake lb, fluctuation, but still. The first day of training I weighed 159 lbs- in the four weeks- I have not gone over 160, but I haven’t been under 158 either. I know in my logical mind that muscle weighs more than fat, and I realize that a pair of size 8 pants I bought last month are now too big for me… I can see the muscles in my quads growing, and I can see my arms becoming more defined and my shoulders developing… These are all wonderful things, but for as often as we talk about how the scale doesn’t matter- it’s hard to let go of it completely. I recognize that my body is changing in a positive way, but that damn number has GOT to come down. I’m eating well, and I’m working out regularly. I know it’s irrational to worry about the number, but I do, and try as I might- I can’t help it. I’m sure as my body continues to transform into what I WANT it to look like, the number will bother me less and less, but I feel like I’m so far away from where I think I need to be for June, and it’s stressful. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to (Okay I had a tall Skinny Vanilla Latte today, but my brain was broken, it was my first coffee in almost 2 months and it was necessary.) so I just need to trust the process. I don’t know when I’ll have my measurements taken again but I hope the tapes show more of a change than that damn scale does. That will also help me put my mind at ease!

I’ve already calmed down from where I was this morning, had a couple good friends beat some sense into me, treated myself to a tall coffee, blasted my current favorite song on repeat until I got to work, and wore my new favorite outfit that I picked up for super cheap at the thrift store this weekend. So I’m good, and I’m ready to work back this evening, and I’m thinking I’ll even go to hot yoga when I’m done at the gym tonight.. I haven’t been in about a month and I think it might be just what I need to get some serious sweat on and get my had back in the right place!

I have 2.5 weeks left until the official 16 week competition prep starts, and I’d really like to make some big strides before then. My french toast cheat meal brunch is already planned for Sunday morning with my best friend, and I’m going to be perrrrrrfect until then, and work out hard. Also no more skipping AM cardio- no matter how much I hate getting off an elliptical after just 35 minutes! 

IT’S GO TIMEEEE. 

 

Image

The wait is over!

Man I have loved watching this unfold! I am TERRIBLE at keeping secrets, so there are a handful of people who know what’s going on, but the guesses have been cracking me up! A wedding?? I broke up with my long term boyfriend back in July, that’s definitely not it. Pregnancy?? Again. No boyfriend y’all. Beach trip was a good guess… I LIVE near the beach though, that’s not it. My birthday is in October, so it’s not my birthday trip. A lot of guesses have to do with it being right around a year since I really started losing weight. That’s good too, also not it. TECHNICALLY I started losing weight in February- but I didn’t buckle down until June 10th which is what y’all are thinking. So no, that’s not it 🙂 Of course it will make for some really good one year progress shots!

I guess today is the day, right? I first started playing around with this idea mid to late November, but I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure. There are a lot of you out there, and I got into this whole online realm of things for the accountability which has turned out fantastically. So I didn’t want to lead you on and tell you something if I wasn’t going to be making it a reality.

But it’s real now, I had a meeting last night and I made the official decision and it’s INSANE and it’s CRAZY and I still can’t believe that this is happening.

Anybody else concerned that you’re not going to care as soon as I tell you? I didn’t really mean to build it up this much, it just kind of happened. I’m pretty worried you’re all going to be like, THAT’S IT? THAT’S CRAP. Haha.

So I guess we should just do this then.

bikinicomp

Yep. In a little over 5 months, kylethegirl will be on stage- in a bikini competition. Like I said, I just started fooling around with the idea in November… I decided that since I was becoming SO close to my goal WEIGHT, that I needed something else to work for. I googled competitions in the area, and found this one- it’s at the end of June, and in the town I live in meaning no travel necessary. Looking into it a little further, I found out that the event promoter is the guy who used to train my dad! I’ve worked out with him before! So I decided that I was going to at least get in touch with him. When I was finally able to get in touch with him, he told me that he was in the process of building a new gym in the area and that once it was done (slated for mid-December) he’d have me come in and talk to him.

Fast forward to this month. I had shied away from getting in contact with him. I had days where I thought, sure, I can be ready for something like this in 6 months… And other days where I’d think, I am huge, there’s no way this will ever happen- not in June. So I had kind of let the idea go. Then Monday, I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize, so I don’t answer it. I’m a total screener. It was CJ, saying he’d love to have me come in and talk to him, and to give him a call or text to set something up. I wait a little bit and then text him back, because I’m a pansy little girl, and I said “Hey CJ, sorry I missed your call. I definitely want to get in and talk to you and see the place… I’m starting to have doubts that I could be where I’d need to be by June, but even more than that I know this is a pricey process. It’s still something i totally want to do though, so I guess we should just talk about it!” He texted me back and said “It’s way more cost effective than you can imagine, and second- Never doubt what you can do, this is a professional level program.” I already dig his attitude. We agreed to meet the next day (last night) to talk.

So I met him at his gym and he sticks his hand out to introduce himself. I told him we’d met, that I’ve worked out with him before, he remembers and then says ‘You look a little different.’ I love that haha. Yes, yes I do. 60lbs different. We start off talking about my eating habits, my work out schedule, all that good stuff. He takes notes, writing down everything I say. I feel proud when he asks me how much water I drink a day- I tell him a gallon- and he says ‘Good girl.’

He asks me, ‘What makes this show in June so fabulous for you?’ And I answered him honestly. I told him that for me, it’s not about the contest. It’s not about the competition. I have a vision in my head of what I want to look like, and I’m at the point where I don’t have the knowledge to get there by myself. This show gives me a deadline, it gives me a reason to work ridiculously hard for something I want, and not to let myself lose sight of that and let it go, and it gives me the help I need to do it. I tell him that while I’ve had some doubts about my ability to get my body in the kind of shape it needs to be in to walk on a stage in June, my dad reminded me of something the other day. My dad told me to remember that I’ve lost 50 lbs in the past 6 months- on my own. He said that ends all conversations about what I can or can’t accomplish.

He seemed pleased with this answer, so after the gallon of water a day and that, I feel like I’ve got some points on the board. Then he tells me to never doubt what I can do. He says that I would be shocked at what my body can do and how quickly it can change. And he said that at 25, it’s the perfect time for me to try and push my body in this way.

He addressed the price factor since I had addressed it as a concern, and went through the competition prep package and what it would cost and entail. I had a number in my mind that I wasn’t going to be willing to go over, so when he told me how much it would work out to be each month, and it was under MY number, I told him I was in.

Competition prep is officially 16 weeks, starts March 9th. He told me that had I come to him closer to that March 9th date, that we might have a problem. But since we have 7 weeks before then to play around with, we should be able to do what we need to do. SO HERE’S THE PLAN! Today through Friday I’m logging everything I eat. Macros included- so I’m logging protein, carbs, fats, sodium, calories, all of it. Friday evening I go back to see him, I have to take a bathing suit, heels, shorts, etc.. 😦 Gotsta take pictures and measurements! UGH. Feels super daunting, but I put a bathing suit on last night and I officially didn’t want to die, so. I think I’m okay. He’s going to create a work out plan for me, that I will be able to do at his gym or my own. They’ll hook me up with posing lessons and help me order a suit and heels and tanning and all that good stuff.

Let me reiterate here, I am under no delusion that I will be able to win anything. All I want is to be able to feel like I fit in with the competition. I am perfectly aware that competitions and competition prep is very taxing on some people, and that it affects everyone differently. It may sound naive, but I have a very strong gut feeling that I am going to be able to handle this. Aside from a freak pizza craving the other night, I am REALLY good as far as will power goes. Hell, I’m sitting in a Starbucks right now AND BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING- I’m about to go to yoga, it was in the area, I NEEDED THE WI-FI!!!! I got one of the protein boxes, and a bottle of water. THAT’S RIGHT. NO COFFEE! So there. So I think I’ll be fine with him telling me what to eat and how much to eat and all that good stuff. I know my work outs are about to be approximately 150% harder, but I’m ready for that too. I am so mentally ready to take on this task, I want to get to that next step, and I need the help of him and his team to do it. I’ve always been an actress and a singer, so the being on stage isn’t a problem either… Being on the stage half-NAKED will be new, but as long as I’m comfortable in my own skin at that point, I won’t have a problem with that either. Stripper heels should be interesting…

I’m just so ready for this. 6 months ago, I never could have imagined that I would have the body I have right now, today. I love this body, but I want more. So while it’s pretty impossible for me to imagine myself in a position where I could strut my stuff in a bikini in heels on stage, I’ve come to be comfortable with the unexpected. I also have this support system that is unwavering. My mom is so excited for this, she’s so happy to see me doing something I’m so excited about, and to be pushing my body into doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. My dad is supportive, even though I know a little piece of him will probably die inside when I actually am all Barbie’d up and in clear plastic heels, but I know he’s super proud of me too. My sister’s stoked, my best friends that already know are SO encouraging… And then the rest of the internet-land, I know you’ll all support me and be there when I’m having bad days. You’ve all been there since day one, and I’m so grateful for the unending support.

So that’s it you guys, kylethegirl is competing. That’s the next step! Life is about to get SUPER interesting.

So… Was it worth the wait?